Alone protects me
by andygreyson
Summary: Right after TFP. How they deal with what happened Planning this to be a long story. Childhood memories, being hurt, and a rather big plot yet to be expected "Get some sleep, John. You look like hell. -Well, i feel like i've been in Hell"JOHNLOCK! *First fanfic, sorry about some of the grammatic mistakes, i noticed a few later on, trying to make it happen less. *
1. A long day

It was a long day. John just wanted to go home already. He was wet from being chained to the bottom of Musgrave's well. It was cold and windy, so being wet didn't helped at all. He stood outside of the estate, and he had this blanket the paramedics have him, but it did no good. He felt awfull. John looked around. Police cars everywhere, officers taking pictures about everything. He wondered what they've been told. Probably something about an escaped psycho who had kidnapped them and-

"Hey mate, how are you?" someone grabbed John's shoulder gently, distracting him from his thoughts. He looked up ad saw Lestrade infront of him. He looked worried.

"Not so good. I just really wanna go home now. It was a long day"

"I get it, mate. We're finished here for today. Go get Sherlock, I drive you boys home"

"Thanks Greg."

John went looking for his friend, while Lestrade made his way to hs car. It took a few minutes for John to spot his best friend. He was standing at the graves, not so far grom the entrence. John thought about who would put those graves there, even if they real or not. It strange to imagine kids playing near them. He walked up to the younger man. Sherlock didn't noticed him at first. He was looking down one of the graves, smoking a cigarette. John was not happy about that, but he ignored it for this time. Sherlock looked pale, so innocent. But they were soldiers today, and innocence died a long time ago.

"Sherlock?"-John called his friend. He looked up slowly from the stone up to John, and he looked down again. He looked..lost.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He wanted to talk to him, help him, but he knew it won't be easy, and Sherlock needed to rest first.

"I will be. I have to." Sherlock answered. John thought about what it really meant. He knew Sherlock was bad at expressing emotions, and he had this habbit of trying to look like he has no emotions, but he has, and John will be the one who has to get him together.

"Can we go? Lestrade said he would drive us home. He's waiting for us." he said.

"Uhum. Let's go." Sherlock answered without looking at John, and headed back to the direction of Lestrade car. John followed him, looking at the estate once more. It had it's magic in the dark night, he felt a bad vibe around it. He looked away.

They opened the doors and sat at the backseats.

"Ready to go?" Lestrade looked back.

"Right.-"

"Could you please drop me off at the hospital?" Sherlock interrupted. " I should see my brother."

"Sure. Hospital is it, then."

They sat in the car in silence. John was looking out the window, he felt tired. He looked right, to see Sherlock who was lookig out the window as well. John wondered what his friend could be thinking about. Was he mad? Or rather, sad? John fell asleep, altough he didn't wanted to.

"Mate?" Lestrade's voice woke John up. "We're at your place."

John looked around. Sherlok wasn't in the car, he's probably at the hopital already. He wondered why he didn't woke him up to with him. Not like he wanted to go see Mycroft, he just didn't liked the idea of Sherlock being without him. He still felt danger in his bones.

"Right. Thank you, Greg."

"Get some sleep, John. You look like hell."

"Well, I feel like I've been in Hell." with that, John got out of the car and headed for his house, as the wind gently blow his hair.


	2. Lost Girl

The hospital was almost empty. It was late, maybe around 2 in the moring. Sherlock felt terrible, but he couldn't stop, not yet. He was at the private clinic Mycroft was sent to. _He's_ been here before too as a patient, before John. Rich people's hospital. He walked to the reception.

'Hello, how can I help you?' the younger woman asked sitting nehind the desk. _Rather young, probably just started. Not used to night shifts._

 _'I'm_ looking for my brother, David Johnes.' It was one of the fake names Mycroft used. He was still an important person, his enemies would take advantage of his weakened state, so he usually uses fake names when going to a clinic. No wonder: he was a ghost. A man who shouldn't even exist. A man who sees through your secret, the man who can destroy your life with one phonecall. The man with the umbrella.

"He's on the second floor, room 11.'

'Thanks.'

Sherlock left the reception, and headed for the stairs. There was an elevator too, but he felt like he needed to keep was still in his bones, and his heart was beating fast. He felt like the world he knew was collapsing around him. All of his childhood memories were fake, nothing more. He walked up the stairs, but the stopped. He remembered how he used to play pirate with _Readbeard._ Sherlock was always the Captain, and Victor would try to take his ship. He had to fight with his wooden sword to protect it, and they would run between the graves, or in the forest near the estate. Sometimes Mycroft was playing too, but he was too slow and couldn't keep up, though he always made up great stories for them, about the ship or the treasure they are tryig to get. Sherlock was happy when they played together. Victor was a quiet one, but Sherlock didn't needed words to know what he was thinking. They were really close friends.

He walked up to the second floor. He had to stop for a minute to calm down. He didn't like this. He couldn't control his emotions, there was too many, and his heart hurt. It hurt so bad he just wanted to get it out and throw it as far away as he could. He felt it was broken, so broken, and that there was no way to fix it.

He wished John was here. He would know what to do. What is right. He would help him calm down. But Sherlock felt guilty for puting John in this situation in the first place. It was better this way, John looked tired anyway, he needed to sleep.

He looked for room 11. It was easy to find, stood on front of the saircase. He entered without knocking.

He saw Mycroft sitting in the bad in his suit, his head was in his arms, next to his a whiskey and his hair looked messy. " _He never looked more volnurable"_ Sherlock thought. The older looked up when Sherlock entered, his eyes were sunken.

"Sherlock, I'm suprised. I've already got a call from Lestrade abou an hour ago, explaining how the situation ended, so you could've just gone home" he said with his sadly smile in his face. Sherlock knew that smile.

"Well, I'm here anyway. And I have no home to go, my flat exploded." he answered casually, just realising his situation. Oh, Mrs. Hudson going to be furious.

"Don't worry, my men are going to take care of it."

"Hmhm. What will happen to her now, Mycroft?" Sherlock asked suddenly. It was something they needed to talk about, and deal with somehow.

Mycroft sighed.

"She's sent to a temporary clinic until we fix everything in Sherrinford. Changing down the staff, secure her room. She sould be back in 2-3 days."

"3 day? In a normal clinic? She needed only 5 minutes to get us here"

"She's secured, Sherlock. I made sure everyone follows my instructions this time" Mycroft stood up and looked out the window. "You have to understand that I tried everything to help her. I'm his big brother, and that comes with a lot of responsibility, but I had to realise she's not like us. There's something evil in her, somethig bad you cant ran away from. She's not capable of symphaty, she's not able to set up rules, to realise when to stop. With a mind like hers, she's just too dangerous. The government only let her live because I promised to take care of her, to look after her, but I obviously failed." Myroft looked at his little brother. "I'm sorry, Sherlock. " he smiled sadly. Sherlock felt his heart ache again. God, how much more pain can he bear? Mycroft clearly feels dissapointed in himself, which he's not used to.

"I just wish I would've known about her." he answered. Maybe he could've done somethig. He could've prevent this night. But then again... She was a murderer. She killed a little boy as a child. He felt so many things. He's not angry at her. He's just sad. So sad.

"About Readbeard..?" Mycroft asked

"I know of it." Sherlock gulped. " I remember now." he whispered.

"I see." the older replied. Sherlock felt lost. He kinda wished he could forget all this. His sister, his dead friend. It was now like a chain bonding them together, and he could hear the chain everytime he moved. He felt sick.

"I should go now." he said quickly. He needed some alone time. He went back to the door ready to leave, but a hand gently grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He faced Mycroft again.

"I was scared when I woke up and you weren't there." the older said looking away, like he was ashamed." I'm glad you're fine. I really am."

Sherlock didn't know how to reply. How to deal with emotional Mycroft. It was something he always thought was impossible. He gulped.

" I-I don't know what to say to that." he said confused.

"That's fine. I'm being too sentimental. Don't tell anyone.-he smiled.

"I wouldn't dare" ha answered. They stood there for a few more moments, quietly.

"Sherlock are you going to be alright?" Mycroft asked. Sherlock heasitated. Will he? Probaly not. But Mycroft needs support so he sould be postive. His heart kept aching the way he never imagine it could.

"I'm fine, Mycroft. It's all going to be fine."he smiled

Mycroft hesitated then nodded. They really had this strange relationship, but after all, they care for eachother.

" I gotta go." Sherlock said finally.

"Right. Take care, _brother mine."_ The older answered.

"You too, Mycroft." he answered and left the room.


	3. Locked doors

"Sherlock?"

Sherlock was leavibg the hospital, confused, His heartbeat was fast, everything was spinning around needed to get out.

"Sherlock!"

He heard it again. High pitched, yet familiar voice. Victor's. But why?

He was runnung, running down the stairs, past the reception, out the door.

Fresh air hit him. He tried to breath slowly. What would John say? He would say to calm down. But he's not here now. He's alone.

Memories, feeling were coming back. His mind palace was falling for pieces. He built everything on lies, and now the lies were dissapiering, and everything was changing. There were some locked doors inn his mind palace that are started to open. He run to them and tried to close them, but the lock somehow broke, and they just wouldn't close.

"Sherlock? Sherlock let's play pirate!"

Sherlock sat down on a bench near the hospital. He was shaking."I can't" he whispered.

He looked up and saw Victor in front of his. His little form was standing in front of him, just as he remembered.

"Sherlock? Why did you let me die?" Pain striked him. Was this what Victor was thinking?

"I didn't. I looked for you. I'm so sorry."- he said. He felt his vision become blurry.

"Why did you let me rot in there? Worms ate me as you slept in your bed. Why did you let it happen?"

"Victor I.."

He looked up again but Victor dissapiered. He was alone. He looked down at his shaking hands. Maybe he could've done more back then. Maybe he looked more he would've find him in time. Maybe if he would've been smarter to understand his sister stupid puzzle. But he let him down. He let him die.

-John-

John took a shower. He felt disguasting. Like he was dirty, no matter how hard he washed. That skull hi found in the well still haunted his mind. A child's skull. What happened?

He got out of the shower, and looked in the mirror. He looked different. His eyes did. They were just blank. It's almost like he saw someone else looking back. Not good.

He got dressed. He's going to get Rosie, Harry is looking after her. Although it's really late they probably asleep. He will rather wait till the morning. Suddenly his phone started to ring. He searched for it for a while, and when he found it he answered.

"Hallo?"

"John!? John what happened?! The flat exploded! Was it Sherlock and one of his stupid experiment?!"Mrs. Hudson yelled in the phone.

"Oh, hi!" he answered. He totally forgat about that. Awkward." Yeah, the flat, uh, you know, there was this thing-y and it just exploded, but don't worry, I'm sure we can do something about that."

"Thing-y? John I have no insurance for thing-ys.!"

"I'm sure Mycroft does though. It's kind of a national importance thing-y you see." ha said.

"Stop joking! The neighbours will deffinatly complain now!"

"Wait, how come you only noticed the explosion now? It was hours ago!" ha asked confused

"I was cleaning until now!" she yelled. John couldn't help but laugh. He needed this now.

"Right."he said "don't worry, I'm sure Mycroft will take care of it, or else I kick his arse. We look into it tomorrow, I promise. Try to sleep now"

"I'm not sure dear, it's really easy to break in now you see, no roof for I try. Did something happened by the way?" John hesitated.

"Yeah. To many thing actually. I'll inform you later. Good night Mrs. Hudson." he answered. He trusted the old lady enough to tell her. And she deserved it.

"'Night" they hung up.

John stood there fow a while, phone in his hand. Should he call Sherlock? Nah, the detective probably needs some alone time. He out down the phone and went into the bedroom. A little nap won't hurt.


	4. Miss me?

Chapter 4

Sherlock knocked again on the door. He knew it was late, but he was sure she was awake, after that phone call.

It's not like Sherlock wanted to be here. To have this akward conversation with Molly. But he had to do it, he had to make sure everyone's safe.

Molly opened the door, and when she saw it was Sherlock on the other side, she tried to close it. She knew what Sherlock wants to talk about.

Sherlock stopped the closing door with his leg, looking at Molly strangly.

-Molly..- He tried

-No, Sherlock, please, we don't need to talk about it, I think i know what you're about to say, but I don't want to hear it.-she said. _"She must have been crying"_ Sherlock thought. Sentimentality. So stupid.

-I do not think you know what I'm about to tell you. Except Lestrade or John called you, but I doubt, they're both seemed rather busy, and tired. May I came in?- and without an answer, he walked past Molly, and got in her flat. He walked room to room, trying to deduce everything he could. He was pretty sure, that there was no bomb in here, but he had to make sure. He was now looking at Molly's bookself, trying to find anything suspicious, when Molly walked in.

-Sherlock, what are you doing?

-I'm looking for dust. Or rather the absence of dust. That they moved something in here quite recently.

-I was just cleaning the house this morning, Sherlock. But what do you mean? Why would they move anything in here? What happened?- she was now worried. Someone was in her flat? But she was home all day.

Sherlock turned back, now facing Molly. Molly's heart skipped a beat. She felt her face turning red. _"He's so perfect"_ she thought. She looked away.

\- I have a sister. It's a long story, and I don't want to get into it now, but that point is, that she was experienting with us, about emotonal context, feelings I suppose. _Quite a f_ _amily conflict_.

-Wait, you have a sist..-

-Don't interrupt. She claimed that there's a bomb in your house, Molly, which is going to explode, if I don't make you say the magic words.

-What?..-

-There was a coffin, Molly, it was made for you! The time was ticking, and I... I didn't wanted to loose you Molly Hooper.

Molly stayed in silence. The thoughts was running through her head.

\- You made me say those words, to stop the bomb from exploding? Is there a bomb in here?

-No. No bomb in here. She lied abut it.

-I knew it. I knew it can't be real. I knew you couldn't mean it, I...- Molly was now crying, her face red, her whole body shaking.

-Molly...-Sherlock didn't know how to react, he's not used to consol others.

-Sherlock please leave. - she cried. -Please, i need to be alone, I...- she couldn't finish. Sherlock walked to her, and without Molly expecting it, he hugged her. He hold Molly close, wanted to feel her safe. Molly's face was lying on Sherlock's shoulder.

-Sherlock...

-I didn't wanted the bomb to explode, because I didn't wanted to see you dead. You're too important for that. Please calm down.

-Right.. - Molly got out of the hug, trying to concentrate on her breathing. -Thanks for telling me, Sherlock, it's okay. I just need time, you know. Time will heal things up, right? - she tried to smile at him.

-I'm afraid there are things even time won't heal. But i know you will be fine. You're strong, Molly. Keep that in mind.- and with that, Sherlock went back to the front door, and walked out of her flat. He liked the wind blow in his face. _"East wind?"_ The sun was rising now, making the sky in the colour of orange. _Beautiful_ , he thought.

And then he heard his phone ringing in his pocket. He was walking away from Molly's house, looking at his phone now. He just got a text message from John, saying " _Where are you? I need to get Rosie, Baker Street is a mess, you should stay by my place for a while."_

Right, he forgot about the explosion.How nice of John, worrying about him, after everything Sherlock pulled him through. He didn't answered, didn't know how to.

He was walking in the streets of London, breathing in the air, lost in his thoughts.

After a few hours, he started to feel his body need of rest, he should have a shower, get himself together. He couldn't go back to Baker street, and he wasn't ready to talk with John yet.

He was about to call Lestrade, when he received another text message. The number was unknown. It was only two simple words, but it made his heart skip a beat.

 _"Miss me?"_


	5. East wind will blow it away

_note: this one's a longer chapter. Thanks for the following and the likes._ _note2: sorry for the grammatic mistakes, my main language is not english, i'm actually Hungarian._ _Enjoy this chapter!_

-It can't be him, right? - Lestrade asked. He looked tired, and he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. He didn't even went home, he was busy doing paperwork, and now he had to deal with this. They were in his office. He sat behind his desk, Mycroft sat infront of him, and Sherlock was looking out the window.

Mycroft looked better, wasn't so pale anymore, he was in an expensive suit, his umbrella next to him.

-Sherlock saw him shot himself in the head. The whole "Miss me?" game was part of Eurus plan, but honestly, this message could be anything. We know nothing, and seems like this whole nightmare still not over yet-said Mycroft.

-Well, there's only one way to figure it out- Sherlocked turned back, looking at Mycroft .- Let me talk to her.

-No.- Mycroft stood up. - If we have to talk to her, I go see her, you...- he couldn't finish

-She's not interested in you, Mycroft. This whole "game" was beacause of me, she wants me, not you.

Mycroft was hurt, but he knew Sherlock was right.

-Well, she hasn't spoken to anyone since last night. -Mycroft said- She just sits in her chair, looking out of her head, she wasn't very reactive to anything. Like she's not here mentally.

-I will find a way to talk to her- Sherlock said.

-Where's John?- Lestrade interrupted. The brothers looked at him, like he disturbed something important.

-He's home, with Rosie- Sherlock said.

-I bet you haven't even talked to him since -Mycroft said.

-I have my reasons, brother, like making sure no fake Moriarty tries to kill him.

-So you think this message is fake? -Lestrade asked.

-I saw him shot himself. He couldn't have faked that.

-You managed to fake your own death too.-Lestrade answered.

-No he's not faking it. I'm sure.-Sherlock answered.-But let's not waste time. Give me the adress, and i do what I can.-

Mycroft sighted, looked defeated.

-Right, i send you the information, and I make sure the clinic let's you in. But Sherlock be careful she's...-

\- Yes, right, dangerous. Obviously. -with that Sherlock made his way out of the office.

-Oh and Sherlock?-Mycroft turned at him, making Sherlock stop at the doorframe.

-Have a shower. You stink.

John was tickling Rosie, and she was screaming and kicking as John attacked her. _"How innocent" he thought._

-Well, little girl, you ready for nap? Hmm?- he asked. As a respond Rosie laughed at his Dad.

John grabbed her, and put her in her crib. He looked at her for a few moments. He liked how Rosie has the eye of her mum. Oh, John really missed Mary. Mary would know how to make things right.

John closed the door behind him as he left, leaving Rosie for a nap.

He looked at his phone. There was no respond from Sherlock, although he texted him like 4 hours ago. He wondered if he even went home since then.

He thought it was time for calling him. Just when he was about to press the dial buttom, he heard the doorbell ringing. He went to open, hoping Rosie wouldn't wake up.

He opened the door and saw Sherlock Holmes standing on the other side. He looked pretty bad. He was pale, sweathy, his eyes were sunken, and John was pretty sure he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

-Jesus Sherlock, are you alright?

-Yes, deffinetly. Baker Street is still under reconstruction, but I have to take a shower somewhere so I thought I would come. Where's Rosie?-he asked

-She's sleeping.

-Then we shall be quiet.

-Right. I thought you might come by soon, so I brought some clean clothes for you from the flat yesterday.

-Thanks, John.

With that Sherlock entered the flat, quiet as possible, grabbed his clothes from the chair and went to the bathroom.

John closed the door. He wondered if his friend had eaten something since yesterday. Probably not. And while Sherlock was in the bathroom, John went to the kitchen, making some tea and toast.

Sherlock was slowly getting out of his clothes. He didn't really wanted to waste time, Mycroft mailed him the adress, he just really needed that shower.

He started the water, then stepped in the shower. He enjoyed the water pouring at him, it made fresh, and he kind of felt like a new person. As he put his head under the spray of the water, he closed his eyes and relaxed for a moment.

He was in his mind palace again. He was walking down a long corridor, checking around, when he noticed the door. It was one of those doors that opened recently, so It must be about his childhood. Should he enter?

No. He couldn't let himself down now. He was walking past the door when he heard someone from the other side.

-What did you do, Eurus?!- it was kind of like Mycroft's voice, but rather high pitched.

Sherlock stepped closer trying to listen.

-Nothing, we were just playing.- Sherlock's heart beated faster. It must be Eurus' voice. And then he heard something else. He heard heavy crying, loud, you could sense the pain while listening. It was him, little Sherlock's voice.

-Then why is he crying? - it was Mycroft's voice, almost shouting at his little sister.

-Crying? Oh... I thought he was laughing.

And with that he felt the mind palace shake, the walls collapse, and he was back in the shower, at John's flat.

Sherlock opened his eyes, he was out of breath. He stepped back, putting his hand on his chest, trying to calm himself down. His vision was blurry, but he could sense how everything was spinning, he could felt the world collapse.

He needed a few minutes to calm down. He finished his shower, then got into his clean clothes.

He had to stop these memories from coming back. He should be the one controlling his own mind palace. It never should shut down like this in the first place.

He got out of the bathroom, hair still wet. Opposite the bathroom there was little Rosie's room. He quietly opened the door and went in. The whole room was in dark, curtains covering the windows. It was a typical pink child room. Toys on the ground, Sherlock carefully avoided them then went to the crib. He saw the little girl asleep, hugging a teady bear in her little hands.

 _"Kids. It's not like I will ever understand them". Eventhought he liked Rosie._ He didn't thought he would. He was kind of againt the idea of a child. But he's used to it now. John and Rosie. It was kinda like his second family. And he was Rosie's godfather after all. He wondered if Eurus was like Rosie at this age. Hugging a teady bear in her sleep. A toddler is a toddler no twisted mind could change that. Right, Eurus. He has things to do. Like all the time. He usually liked the excitement but right now he would prefer a quiet afternoon. He sighted and left the room quietly. He went looking for John to say his goodbye, and he found him in the kitchen.

-Sherlock! Have a seat I made you some toast! - he smiled

-I should go, I have things to do- Sherlock said.

-Well, your " things" can wait, you have to eat. Look, you went through a lot, and you don't want to pass out while doing whatever you do, right?

-Hmm. - He knew John was right. Euros not going anywhere. " _She's probably just planning the end of the world, that's fine Sherlock, have your toasts"_ He sat down at the dining room, and John put a cup of tea and some toast infront of him, then he sat down on the other side of the table.

Sherlock wanted to go as soon as he can, so he started to eat his toast, so John would let him off.

-How are you?- John asked.

Sherlocked wondered off. How stupid question. It _never mattered_ how Sherlock is. He's happy when he's friends around him are safe, but they're not at the moment.

-Well, I can see how are YOU. You couldn't sleep, though you tried, and you have Mrs. Hudson's parfum on you, but that's not all, you..-

-Sherlock stop it. I didn't asked you to _deduce_ how i feel or who I was with.

-I'M FINE. - he said angrly.

-Yeah well, you haven't eat, haven't sleep, and you're only having a shower now. Look, 4 days ago you didn't even knew you had a sister, and yesterday she made us do those terrible things, and i'm pretty fucking sure that no one would be fine after that, not even the great Sherlock Holmes. You act like a machine, but i know you well enough, and i know that you care, so you don't have to pretend this whole "sociopath" thing infront of me. You ignored me since we got home, because you know I know. That you feel. So talk to me.

Sherlock felt destroyed. _Amazing. So John knows how weak I am._ He suddenly felt so small and powerless.

There was a reason why he didn't wanted to talk. If he starts to talk now, let those doors tight open, he won't have the power to protect his friends. His mind would go crazy and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. He was about to avoid this as long as he can, that's why couldn't let himself think about this yet. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to see Eurus again. But he has to. To save the others. And to change Eurus if he can.

So he did what he had to do. _"For John and Rosie. My family"_ He looked up, straight into John eyes, and he forced himself to say those awfull words.

-You know nothing about me John Watson. You couldn't be farther from the truth. I do not care, not for Eurus, neither about last night. You should be with your daughter instead of daydreaming about me.

Sherlock stood up went to the main door. He's heart was aching but he had to say it so John would let him go. Maybe he will apologise after he talked to Eurus. _"If he wants to see me after this"_

He grabbed his coat and was about to leave when he heard John behind him.

-I know you. No matter how hard you're trying to push me away, the harder you try the closer I get, Sherlock. Don't do anything stupid please. Call me if you need me. I'll be here.-John said.

Sherlock stopped for a moment, he wanted to turn back, to say sorry, to talk to him, but he couldn't. So he gathered strength and left the flat without saying anything.

He was now on his way to Eurus, smoking almost a box of cigarette on his way. _"Smoking away the pain. The east wind will blow it away"_


	6. Danger night

-Let's talk, _sister dear_ \- Sherlock said.

He was at the clinic where Eurus was kept temporarly. The staff already knew he was coming, Mycroft made sure to let him through. She was in a private room in the psychology, guards before her door, cameras everywhere. The room contained a bed, 2 chairs and a table. No window.

His sister sat in one of the chairs, looking at the white wall before her. She wasn't looking at Sherlock. She just stared out of her head, like Mycroft said, _"like she wasn't even there"_. He was so confident back then, saying he will find a way to talk to her, but he wasn't so sure about himself anymore.

Sherlock pulled the other chair closer to her and sat down in front of her. He looked in her eyes, trying to see any form of reaction.

-Let's not waste my time. - he tried, but no reaction from her sister.

He had a theory about what could happen to her sister. He was sure she's either lost, or hiding in her " _mind palace"_ or whatever the hell she calls it. He knew the feeling. There was times when he would just wanted to stop the world and time, and he would stay in his mind palace, building rooms that would fit his benefits, or even deconstruct rooms, until he felt _nothing_ , and he liked the feeling of _nothing._ No deduction, no observation, just nothing.

When he was in his mind palace, he wouldn't talk to anyone for days, he wasn't thinking about coming back, until he felt ready for it.

So he wasn't sure how to bring his sister back. Talking wouldn't bring her back. And he needed those answers.

-You're a difficult one, aren't you?-he was thinking out loud.-Always giving me a hard time.

 _"What could bring her back, what would bring ME back, if i was in her place?"_

He knew pain would. It was an easy answer. But that's out of question.

-I'm here now but you're not listening to me- he said while he stood up and started to walk in circles. Then he walked to her and stared into her eyes face to face.

Then suddenly she stared back and started to laugh. Sherlock jumped back a little, his heart skipped a beat. It was an eerie laugh, it broke the silence in the room. After a few seconds she stopped laughing and stood up, staring at Sherlock.

-Having fun?- he asked.

-More than you can imagine.- she smiled.- What were you thinking? Me, having a meltdown? I'm the real sociopath between us, _brother dear_. Now tell me, did you enjoyed my little game made just for you, last night?

-It was bleeding from mistakes- he said

-Interesting. You mean the part when you should have shot Mycroft? " _Holmes killing Holmes"_ We knew you wouldn't do that. The gun was empty, it only had one cartridge and it was for the director's suicide. Yes, I knew he will kill himself in order to save his wife. So sad she died anyway- She smiled.

Sherlock swallowed. He wasn't expecting this kind of response. He knew his sister was different, but this was something else.

-What's the point of this, Eurus? You could have contact me before, but instead you came to me as a _client,_ in disguise.

\- You're the dumbest one, Sherlock.How can you not understand? - she laughed.

-Then explain it. - he said.

\- Oh, don't make me explain everything. That would spoil the fun. I helped you remember _Readbeard_ , now it's up to you to remember everything else.

-I'm tired of this stupid game. - he said.

-But Sherlock, I just started - she said. -Did you got the message?

-Moriarty's dead, you can't change that.

-What if I met him before you even knew him?

-Impossible- he said. He was sure that this was a bluff.

-Why? I'm rather sure about it. -she smiled. Sherlock's mind was working hard to put the pieces together, to analyse all of the _"what if's"_ but he had to admit that this was a possibility too.

-It wouldn't change the fact that he's dead- he stated exhausted. -I saw it.

-Well, I think you're the one bleeding from mistakes, not my plan. -she smiled- I'm a little dissapointed, Sherlock.When did you became so _emotional?_

-Stop your stupid games Eurus. The last night, it was your cry for help, the girl on the plane, it was all because you wanted me to acknowledge you. So stop this game. I can help you, and you don't need to do this anymore. You shouldn't be in a clinic, you should... You should come home. -he said.

-Home? I don't have one. And I don't need one neither. I could get any house if I wanted to.

-I did not meant "home" for a place. You have a family, Eurus. We can make everything work again.

-You was always the funnier, Sherlock.Dumbness is funny. -she said.- Let me tell you a secret. Do you remember _Readbeard_ right? He screamed your name for days in that well. It was so funny, I couldn't stop laughing. But after a while he stopped screaming so I throw stones at him to move. It wasn't raining for weeks, Sherlock, it was summer. He did not drown. He starved to death. And all he could tell was "Sherlock save me". Where were you Sherlock? Why didn't you saved him?

Sherlock was feeling sick. He couldn't breath, altough he wanted to. But it was like he forgot how to. He gasped for air, but he couldn't breath in any. He grabbed his chest, and felt his heart was beating really fast.

-Oh, don't tell me you're having a panic attack - she laughed.

Sherlock was on his knees now, trying to breath. He felt everything was spinning, and his vision was blurry.

 _" Where was I?"_ he asked himself.

-You're so weak, _brother dear_. -she stepped closer to Sherlock. - _Caring is not an advantage._ I thought you learned the lesson by now. Don't you remember? I made you wrote these words down until your hand was all red and you could't move it anymore. You was screaming when Mycroft came in. I thought you were laughing too.

Suddenly the room's door opened and the security ran in. They saw the camera recording showing Sherlock lying on the ground and they rushed in to help. They helped him out of the room, but Sherlock could hear Eurus laugh behind him.

They sat him down on a chair, and they went to get a doctor for him, although he tried to tell them it's not necessary, but the word's wasn't coming out from his mouth, and his heartbeat was still rather fast, so he sat in the chair, trying to calm down.

He felt quilty, and it made him sick.

His head was in his hands, thoughts running through his mind. He did not felt like the _great_ Sherlock Holmes. He felt weak and stupid. He didn't know what to belive anymore. He can't bring Victor back. He knows nothing sure about Moriarty anymore. And Eurus? He can't change her. He didn't see the point of trying to keep himself together. He could't save _Readbeard_ , neither his sister. Then what could he do? And he felt something he never did before, or at least almost never: _shame_. He felt shame, because he failed at almost everything.

He stood up, he needed fresh air, and he needed to get away before a doctor shows up. He got out of the hospital as fast as he could. He didn't know where he should go, or what should he do. He was walking away, smoking a cigarette, when he heard his phone ringing. He checked, and it was Mycroft's number. He was the last person he would want to talk now so he put the phone away. He needed something to calm down. And he knew what.

John was sitting in his chair home, reading a book, altough he wasn't concentrating. He was thinking about last night, and the Holmes family. He felt he should call his sister, "Harry" just to make sure she's alright. " _To make sure she doesn't end up like Eurus"_ he thought.

The phone was ringing and he almost dropped the book from his hands. He felt quilty for thinking about the Holmes family the way he did.

He checked the screen and it was a text message from Mycroft.

 _Help me find Sherlock._

 _Tonight's a danger night._

 _-MH_


	7. The stars

John was sitting next to Mycroft Holmes in a black car. It was raining outside, the whole atmosphere felt dark. They went through most of Sherlock's hiding places, finding nothing, when Mycroft got a message informing him that a street camera spotted Sherlock near the bridge, so they headed tha way. Mycroft was quiet, looking out the window rather lost in his thoughts. John was rather the opposite. He was worried, and he looked from left to right constantly, hoping to suddenly spot his ex-flatmate.

They sat in the car like this for the last few minutes. Then the black car started to slow, then stopped.

-We're at the bridge, sir- the driver said.

-Thank you- Mycroft said. He and John got out the car. Mycroft opened his umbrella, saving his suit from the rain. John was standing next to him, no umbrella, an no hood on his jacket. They looked around trying to spot Sherlock. It was hard to see anything int the rain, but London's street was rather empty because of it. The street lamps were lightning, it was rather atmospheric.

-Maybe we should cross the bridge. To see if he's on it. –John said.

-Right. You go there, I look through this side, checking the alleys.- Mycroft said.

They split up, and John headed for the bridge. He was rather wet because of the rain, but he did not cared. He passed through some pedastrians, and he always looked up hoping to his friend, but no success. Cars passed by him as he walked cross the bridge, the drivers looked strangly at him, wondering what he's doing in the pouring rain. He was halfway through, whe he noticed a strange figure sitting on the ground. The other pedastrians walked by him, not even looking at him. He wasn't moving, John wasn't even sure if the man was conscious. As he went closer he noticed the wet, dark hair, pale skin, and of course, that stupid coat.

-Sherlock!- John ran to the figure, kneeling down next to him, he felt his trousers getting wet. John quickly grabbed for his arm trying to find his pulse. Sherlock opened his eyes exhusted.

-John?- he asked. His voice was weak. His pulse was rather weak too.

-What happened? Did you took anything?- John asked loudly.

Sherlock looked away.

-Can you stand up?- John asked.

-Of course, I can- he answered. He tried to stand up, but he fell back down.

-I take that as a no.- John said. He took his phone out of his coat and quickly wrote Mycroft a text, asking him to call the ambulance on the bridge, and to come over.

-What did you took, Sherlock?- he asked him.

-I wasn't paying attention. –he said exhausted. He closed his eyes, knowing he would be safe now.

-No, no Sherlock, you have to stay awake at least until the paramedics arrive.-John said. Sherlocked opened his eyes again, and he started to cough weakly.

-C'mon I know you always pay attention. You notice everything, there's no way for you not to know it.- John said.

-What? Me, noticing everything?- he laughed weakly. –I'm the worst- he said, his voice cracked.- I don't see the point of trying anymore, John.- then Sherlock looked in the other direction. –I'm sorry, Victor.- he said, looking away, like he was talking to someone, but no one was there.

-Sherlock?- John tried to talk to him, but Sherlock wasn't paying attention to him anymore.

-I didn't even knew we had a freaking well!- Sherlock cried out. –I looked everywhere Victor, i tried...

Mycroft arrived, and John looked up at him.

-Overdosed. He's hallucinating.

Mycroft noded, and he kneeled down next to Sherlock too. He forgot about his expensive suit, or he did not cared. John couldn't decide.

-... But you wasn't there-Sherlock whispered.- Your parents came and they tried to question me, but I couldn't tell the answers. I wish it could have been me, Victor. I wish i was dead one- he cried.

-Sherlock?-Mycroft said, trying to make his brother look at him. –Sherlock look at me.

Sherlock was shaking, he gasped for air.

-I'm here, little brother- Mycroft said, holding his brother's hand.-I'm here Sherlock.

Sherlock seemed to calm down.

-Mycroft?-Sherlock looked up. John could hear the sirens, and after a second he saw the ambulance car rushing in.

-I'm here.- Mycroft answered. But then Sherlock looked down again, and he put his head on his knees.

- _I that am lost oh, who will find me?-_ Sherlock whispered.- _Deep down below the old beech.. tree_?..-and with that Sherlock went quiet. John, who's hand was still on Sherlock's wrist, suddenly couldn't feel his pulse. He quickly laid him down on his back.

-He's not breathing!-he yelled at the paramedics who just arrived at the scene. –He's not breathing.- he said again, rather to himself. Mycroft was shocked, he just stared down at Sherlock's face.

The paramedics put an oxygen mask on Sherlock, and as quickly as they could, they unbuttened his shirt, ready to start CPR.

-Stand back!- one of them yelled at John and Mycroft. After a second John realised what was happening, and he quickly got out of the Mycroft wasn't moving anywhere. John ran to him, and he gently started to pull him up.

-Come! Let them work.-John said to him. Mycroft didn't answered but he stood up, and with Jonh they went back a little.

-3..2..1..NOW!-one of them yelled. John could see Sherlock's body lift, then went down. No respone.

-Again!

They tried it a few more time. Mycroft looked away, watched the stars above him. He saw a flashback playing in his mind.

He and Sherlock laid in a field, late night. They were looking at the stars. Their back was in the grass, and they laid next to each other. Mycroft was 16 back then, Sherlock was 11.

-Hey, Mycroft?- Sherlocked asked, breaking the silence in the field.

-Hmm?

-Do you think we become stars when we die?

Mycroft laughed.

-Don't be stupid. Those stars up there are already dead anyway. They really far away, so we only see their past form. When you die your body simply stops functioning. It won't became a star.

-And what about the soul? Does the soul dies too?

-Soul? We only have a brain inside us. If that dies, nothing will remain.

-Absolutly nothing? –Sherlock asked sitting up.

-Nothing. Only a tombstone with your name on it.

-Then what's the point of trying?

-Well, you can try and do something important. Something that will remain. Or something that will make this sick world a little better.-Mycroft answered

-Like helping others?

-Helping others is good, yes.

-Hmm. Then I shall help as many as I can.

Mycroft laughed.

-Whatever you say, little brother.

-AGAIN!- the paramedic sound brought Mycroft back. How _sentiment_ he thought.

After this try, Sherlock suddenly started breathin again. They quickly put him on the carrying bed. He was unconscious.

-You go with him. I go with my car.-Mycroft said.

-Are you sure?- John asked. Altough he didn't liked Mycroft, he knew he cared for his brother.

-Deffinetly.- he said and started to walk away.

-Are you coming?-the paramedic asked John from the car.

-Yes, coming.-he said while he got in.


	8. Awake

Sherlock slowly opened his eyes. He was rather numb, and confused. He soon realised he was in a hospital. He hates hospitals, rather bad memories tied him to them. He tried to remember what happened but wasn't so sure. So much happened, everything was a mess to be honest. He felt sick, and a little dizzy, and something else he couldn't register. Probably because it wasn't his body's well-being, rather his mind.

-Sherlock?- someone called him. He looked at the direction of the sound, although he knew the voice too well not to recognise it instantly.

John starred at him worrying, sitting in a chair next to the bed Sherlock was lying in. John looked tired, his hair was a mess, his eyes sunken.

-John. What happened?- Sherlock asked. His voice cracked, he noticed. He cleared his throat.

-We found you overdosed, Sherlock! You could have died. In a matter of fact you did. -John looked angry, he doesn't realised he was holding his hands in a fist. - I can't belive you did that. I know dealing with this all must be hard as hell, but turning to drugs? You're better then that, Sherlock. - he looked rather sad now.

Sherlock looked away. It wasn't on purpose. He knew sign language well. _He felt ashame._ But why?

He remembered though. His talk with his sister. He was tired, and couldn't handle stress well. He wasn't really thinking when he went to the warehouse for drugs. His legs were moving, but his mind wasn't really there. _"How weak"_ he thought about himself.

He wanted to get out of this situation as soon as possible. He hated to feel weak.

-I want to go home- he said.

-They gonna keep you in a few days. And maybe it's better this way. You should rest a little, the world's not gonna blow itself if you stay a few days.- John said.- But don't change the subject. Mycroft informed me about the events that happened earlier. The "miss me" message, you, having a talk with Eurus. I can't belive you left me out of this. I realise you do need privacy now, but if Moriarty's back-

-He's not back!- Sherlock said, little louder then he wanted. -I freaking saw him kill himself, his head was closer to mine than yours is right now.

-Alright, it's not him then, but whoever it is could be dangerous, and I don't know if you remember, but the "bad guys" usually have a habbit of attacking your close one, Sherlock. I have a daughter I have to look after.

-It's not like I don't know that!- Sherlock was shouting now. - I went to talk with Eurus to find out more, and to protect you and everyone else I know!

-Sherlock..- John said calmly.- I know that, I just feel a little betrayed, I thought you trust me by now, telling me important events like this one.

-I trust you..- Sherlock said quietly.

-Sometimes you should show any form of that. - John sighted.

Suddenly the door to Sherlock's room opened and a man in an elegant suit with a black umbrella in his hand stepped in.

-Awake already? -Myroft asked with a fake smile.

-Oh amazing, I really missed a family reunion right now-Sherlocked answered annoyed.

-Sherlock! - John said annoyed. - Mycroft helped to find you, you should be a little nicer.

Mycroft lift one of his hand up.

-It's okay, Dr. Watson. My brother always had.. difficulties to express his love for me - he smiled clearly enjoying the situation.

-My WHAT? - Sherlock shouted. John rolled his eyed, clearly not impressed.

-Although he always manages to impress his desire for narcotics, right _brother mine?_

-Don't you have a country to run? - Sherlock asked annoyed

-Funny as always. - Mycroft added.

-Please.- John interrupted. -Could we sort this out like normal adults do?

The brothers looked at him angry, but stayed quiet for a while.

-Why are you here? Do you wish to keep a talk about my action? A lecture?- Sherlock asked Mycroft.

-Oh no, I'm sure Dr. Watson already did that. -Mycroft smiled. - Im here to make sure my brother's safe.- He said.

Sherlock looked at him.

Mycroft looked back.

They stared at each other.

They did this for a few seconds, then Mycroft looked away.

-And I'm here to gather information. - he said annoyed. Sherlock smiled at him for a moment victoriously. John sighted.

-What information? - Sherlock asked.

-The cameras at the clinic could record footage, although no sound. I was suprised to watch it. Our sister.. Managed to fool me with her trick, and she made me belive she wasn't aware of her surroundings.

-She was rather aware - Sherlock noticed quietly.

-I would like to know what was the discussion about.- Mycroft said.

Sherlock remained silent. John noticed the change.

-Maybe um, we should let him rest now. And talk about this when he's better. -he said. Although he wanted to know the answer too, but he knew Sherlock would have difficulties talking about it. And he belived he could make Sherlock talk easier if Mycroft's not around

-No, I belive we should discuss this soon as possible- Mycroft said. They both looked at Sherlock.

\- She's still planning something - Sherlock said quietly. - The miss me message is indeed a part of her plan. She said she met Moriarty before I did. But that doesn't change the fact that his dead, just to make it clear.

-Before us? - John asked unbelivedly

-Intresting. I should look into this. If they knew eachother, the whole scene at the pool could have been scripted by the two of them - Mycroft said.

-I don't think so. - Sherlock thought. - Moriarty enjoyed what he did, he did everything for amusment. The worst kind of devil, I guess - he smiled sadly. - But Eurus.. She does everything out of curiosity. To test human reactions, feelings. The method they use are different.

-She want us to belive Moriarty's back, but why?- John asked.

-Maybe to fear her even more - Sherlock answered.

-But the real quetion is- Mycroft said- whether the danger is real or not.

They all remained silent.

-Is that all she said? -Mycroft asked.

Sherlock tensed up, avoiding eye contact, so his brother could not read him.

-Sherlock- Mycroft said as softly as he could- I saw the end of the record. I knew how it ended. What else did she said?-

No answer from Sherlock.

-Wait, what happened? -John asked Mycroft.

-She must have said something that made my brother... well, emotionally unstable. - Mycroft answered not looking at John, but Sherlock. -Which led him to overdose.

-Oh.- that's all that John could said.

-She mentioned some information about.. the death of Victor Trevor. - Sherlock said quietly.

Mycroft cleared his throat and looked away.

\- Whatever she said, was for to make you unstable. Like the phone call with Molly Hooper. -Mycroft said.- Sherlock. Don't let her get what she wants. - he said with a soft voice.

Sherlock nodded.

-Please make sure I get out of this prison called hospital as soon as I can. - Sherlock said to his brother.

-Already talked with the doctor. - he answered. - But don't make me regret.

Mycroft started to walk out of the room but stopped at the doorframe.

-Oh and Sherlock, just to make sure: no more drugs. If it happens that I find you in this condition again, I might make the steps I have to in order to save you, again. - he said.

-I don't need to be saved - he answered angrily.

-Whatever you say, _brother mine-_ he smiled sadly, then left, leaving the man behind.


	9. Please help

Sherlock was sitting in John's kitchen, again. Rosie sat on a rug next to him, playing with Barbie dolls. She looked super happy. Since that night, memories were coming back at him. Looking at Rosie, he could recall seeing Eurus playing her dolls next to the fireplace back at the estate.

'What are you playing?' he asked and sat down next to her.

'I'm playing Catch-And-Hug.' Eurus replied not looking up.

'Huh? What's that? I want to play it too.' he answered super hyped. He liked trying out new things.

'It's pretty simple, maybe even you can understand.' Sherlock rolled his eyes.

'So, this is me.'she said and lifted a doll up. 'And everyone else is over there' she pointed at the other dolls. 'My job is to find everyone' she said and put the 'Eurus' doll next to the other one.'And hug them real bad' she sad, then started to hit the 'Eurus' doll to the other one, over and over again, until the other doll's head fall of. 'Hug them, so they can't move anymore. It's really funny' she chuckled.

Sherlock felt super disturbed.

'Even you have a doll' she said pointing at a male doll.' I usually let you be the last one, so you would carve the hugs, after seeing all of your friend, like Victor, being hugged so badly. Isn't it fun?' she asked, eyes shining.

'I think you got it wrong..' Sherlock whispered to her.

'How so?'

'I don't think this is hugging…'

'Oh well. Why don't we play without dolls this time? You go hide, then I'm going to seek you out. Once I found you, you are going to be super-hugged!'

'I'm not sure…'

'C'mon Sherlock. It's going to be fun!' she chuckled. 'Now go hide… And you better hide well…' her voice changed to something serious. Sherlock stood up and ran out of the house, back at the forest, nearby the estate. He hid behind a big tree, and waited, shivering.

'Here' said John as he gave Sherlock a mug of tea. Sherlock hated this mug. He hated everything in this flat. It was nothing like his beautiful Baker Street flat. It was dull and dark and everything looked ugly in here. He really missed his flat. Mrs. Hudson said the workers estimate the time of the repair for about 5-6 months. That was like a lifetime-long waiting! Mycroft invited him to stay at his place, but no way he would live there. So of course he would live with John. He had a plus room used as a storage room, and while he was in the hospital, John cleaned the room, and moved in a sofa, so Sherlock could sleep there. When he suggested that maybe he could rent out a flat and live alone for a while, both his brother and John protested. He was in like a 24-hour watch out because of his overdose. He felt his heart ache thinking about what happened. He did tried his very best to keep out his thoughts as long as he could. Or at least the Euros memories, but they just kept coming back… He got no new message whatsoever,the unknown person may even be a prankster who heard something on the news about this whole deal, and tried to be funny. Or at least this was more believable than any of his theories right now. He can do nothing but wait it out. Just like his withdrawing of narcotics.

He could feel John's gaze at him. He tried his best to ignore it. Finally, his flatmate cleared his voice.

'So, you have anything in mind today? I don't have to work til Monday, so maybe we could all go out to the park, have a little walk, maybe even a picnic! Wouldn't that be nice, Rosie?' he smiled at his daughter.

She looked up unhappy.

'Nooooo…. Plaaaay heree." she replied.

John raised his eyebrows.

'Hey little girl. You can't just stay in the flat all day, you need some fresh air.'

Rosie just shaked his head and went back to playing.

John sighed and looked at Sherlock.

'Ahh.. Mary did it so easily. But I guess she is just as stubborn as I am, hehe.' John smiled.

'Mary was stubborn too.' Sherlock said quietly. He could feel the atmosphere getting more and more depressed.

'Yeah, right, she was…' he replied sadly.

Sherlock concentrated on his tea. He was so bored. No new cases, only cold ones, and really he had nothing to concentrate on.

He suddenly felt that someone was shaking his suit weakly.

'Hey Rosie, what's up?' he looked down smiling.

'Come.. Plaaaay!' Rosie said and grabbed his hand, pulling him.

He could hear John chuckle.

Rosie lead Sherlock at her rug and dolls and then they sat down.

Rosie grabbed a female doll and gave Sherlock a male one.

'Hiiii, Sheeerlyy' she movied her doll in her hands.

'Hi Rosie' Sherlock moved his too, smiling.

'Commme, drink teaaaa!' she yelled happily, and moved the doll away at a little table. Sherlock followed. She poured some imaginary tea in some super small play mugs, and gave one to Sherlock's doll. Sherlock pretended to enjoy all this. He loved little Rosie. But he was not a fan of this.

'Goooodd?' she asked.

'It's delicious, thank you.' he replied

'I loooveee youuu' she said and shaked the doll' Huuug meee?'

Sherlock moved his doll, and straightened it's arm out, then he moved it to Rosies doll and pretended to give her a hug. Rosie chuckled and jumped around happily.

This is such a different life.. This is so different compared to… to playing with 'her'..

Oh no he thought here we go again.

Sherlock stood behind that tree for what felt like hours. He did not dare to come out. What if he would, and Eurus would be there, waiting for him? What if she would hurt him again? Like last time…

It was so cold out here. He was only wearing a short trouser and a t-shirt. Day became night, and he wasn't sure what to do.

Maybe he won the game. Maybe she gave up after she couldn't find him. But that's impossible. She was waaaaay more smarter than him. She wouldn't just give up.. She would search him until she would find him.. He was sure.

Suddenly he felt something moving. It was more of a "slush" sound. He kept his breath back, hoping it was just some sort of animal. Like a little squirrel. Squirrels are cute.

'I that am lost, oh who will find me?'

Sherlock could felt something broke inside him. Like a candle, holding all of his hopes together. It all went away the moment he heard it. He's knees started to shake, and he bit at his arm, to help him keep quiet.

'Deep down below the old beech tree'

He could tell she was like standing only a few steps away. Should he run? Should he move away to another spot quietly? Sherlock decided to do last. He moved his legs quietly and started to move forward stealthy. He took another and another when suddenly he heard a loud 'crack' noise under his feet. Ohdamnohdamnohdamn. He shut his eyes closed and kept quiet, dared not to move. He started to count very slowly in his mind. 1….2...3...4….

He heard nothing. Maybe it was safe.

He opened his eyes. He saw nothing. But then again, he heard something from behind his back. He gulped loudly, and really really slowly, turned around.

Eurus was standing behind him, smiling.

'I found you!' she yelled.

'Hehe.. I...I guess.. you did…' his voice was shaking just as bad as his knees. He started to step backwards, slowly.

'Guess what!' she smiled

'Wha..what?

'While you were away, Daddy and Mummy was soooooooo happy. Guess how happy!'

'How happy..?' he asked. His back hit a tree behind him. He had nowhere to go.

'They were like crying out of happines They were so relivied that you are finally gone!' she laughed ' They laughed a lot, even Mycroft!' she laughed.

'Wha..What?' he tried to smile back, but it was more like a grin really.' What are you saying?'

'Can't you understaaaand?' she laughed ' They wanted you gone sooooo much.'

'You're lying!' he whispered.

'So I have an idea! Wanna hear?' she smiled.

Sherlock was so scared, he didn't reply.

'I think..' she started' I think you should die.'

Sherlock wanted to run away so badly, but his legs wouldn't move. They were just shaking. So useless!

'Don't you agree?' she asked.

'I..I..'

Eurus pulled out a scissor out of coat pocket.

'Why don't you just come a little closer?'

Sherlock's heart was beating so fast now..He felt so sick, he felt his chest exploding. He barely managed to breath.

'Oh well. Then I go there.'

'Please...Just leave me alone.' Sherlock couldn't help but cry. He wanted his Mummy, he wanted Mycroft, he wanted anyone, anyone but his sister.

'Oh don't laugh so hard Sherly.' She said as she came closer. Sherlock did not try to correct her.

She was so close now, their chest almost touched each other.

'Are you ready for your hug?' she smiled. Sherlock could no longer breath. He gasped for air, hold his chest so hard, but it did no good whatsoever. He closed his eyes, ready to die.

He could feel her sister raise her hand, he could imagine the scissor getting closer and closer to his neck.

He could feel no pain though. He opened his eyes. She pressed the scissor at his chest, strongly. If Sherlock would have taken a breath, it would have stabbed him right in the heart. He stayed perfectly still.

'You're my favourite, Sherlock. I want to see what you are capable of. I want to see everything about you. I want to see you scared, I want to see you desperate, and I want to see you weak.' Sherlock was suffocating. He can't hold it any more longer. He has to...breath….

He took the smallest breath he could take. The scissor then pressed into his chest. He could feel blood drawn out. He kept his breaths as small as possible, but he could feel the scissor stabbing at him a little over and over again. He wanted to beg her to stop, but if he would, he would make the scissor stab him harder.

'Sherlock?' suddenly he heard his brother yelling for him. 'Sherlock, where aaaare youuuu?'

Sherlock felt so much hope suddenly. His brother must be close. Maybe if he could just yell back…

'Do anything and you die.' she smiled.

'Help..' he tried to yell with as little chest movement as possible. ',Help, help help!'

Eurus looked pissed, and after a little hesitation, he moved away and let the scissor down.

Sherlock fall to the ground, shaking and crying, screaming as loud as he could, while holding his chest. He pulled up his shirt, and saw a very little hole in the middle of it, bleeding. It was not deep, but it hurt real bad. He continued crying.

'What's going on?' he heard his brother, panting. He must've run.

When Sherlock looked up from the ground, his sister already hid back the scissor at her pocket, and looked as innocent as he could.

'We were just playing.' she smiled. 'Right, Shelly?' and with that, she started to walk away.

Mycroft ran to him.

'Sherlock you alright? 'Sherlock?'

'Sherlock, you alright? What's going on? Hey, Sherlock!' John's voice brought him back. He was laying at the floor, holding his chest. John was on his knees staring at his face.

Sherlock sat up.

'I'm…' he wasn't sure what to stay. He noticed Rosie hiding a chair. Shit. Did he just passed out while playing with her?

'Sherlock what..'

'I'm sorry… I'm really sorry.'

He stood up, shaking, and started to head into his room.

'Sherlock wait, let's talk.'

'No..'

He got into his room, and locked his door behind him. He slipped down to the ground,and started to cry, as quiet as possible.


	10. Choking on flowers

Sherlock woke up to a buzzing sound. He was on the ground, in his pitch black "room." He must've fallen asleep. The only light source was actually the sound source too; his phone. He got up slowly and walked over to his device. Mycroft was calling him. He picked up without saying anything.

'Sherlock. You there?'

'Uhumm.' he looked out of his window, wishing for a cigarette. This neighborhood was dull. Not even a slight chance of a murder.

'Tomorrow morning, we are going to transport her.'

'Oh.'

'I thought I should tell you.'

'Yeah. Thanks.'

'I'll go with her. Can't trust anyone else. I'll be out for like 2-3 days. Which is a shame. I really have business to do. 'he sighed.' But I learned from my mistake. Family first.'

'Yeah, well..'

'Are you doing alright?'

'Uhm, yeah, all good.'

'OK, then. Take care.

'Hmpf. Bye.'

Sherlock took his phone down. He wanted to do nothing and everything at once. He wanted to learn more about his family, help his sister, and yet he wanted to forget her the same. So surreal.

He hear soft knocking on his door.

'Sherlock?' he hear John's soft call.

Sherlock felt the shame come back, after what happened while playing with Rosie.

'Please open the door.' He hesitated, but decided to open it.

John looked so vibrant. So full of life, so much alive.

'Come. Sit with me. I even lit the fireplace and got some cool blankets. It's super cozy now.' Sherlock smiled at him. How thoughtful. He would really like to be warm now. It was cold outside, more like winter than autumn.

They went into the living room, and sat next to each other. Sherlock grabbed one of the blankets at put it on his shoulder. He felt safe. John did the same. They stared at the fire in front of them. John smelled like vanilla; he used that shampoo all the time. Sherlock really loved it.

' Sherlock, I, just really need you to talk to me.' John said. ' It hurts so bad, when I think about how much you suffer. You're my best friend, and I really want to help you. I don't wanna lose you again. I just can't.'

'Best friend..? Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value..' he replied.

'That's not true.. No one can survive alone. Humans are kind of like.. stuck together. Well, at least.. I'm really fond of you, you see. And hey..' John lifted up his arm, and gently touched sherlock's jawn, holding it up a little. 'I don't want to see those eyes so sad anymore.'

Sherlock blushed.

'So.. talk to me please?' John asked.

'I'm just...I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic. I feel lonelier than ever, like.. Like there's no one who can understand. Because I can't explain it.. And you can't feel it. Everything that happened, it's just so messed up. I keep having these flashbacks.. Memories that i've tried to hide.. And they hurt me so bad... I'm just not sure anymore. Not sure if this is a world I belong in anymore. I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out. John, I.. I really feel like I can't keep going anymore' he said, almost crying, but he hold it all back. His eyes were teary though. He was shaking badly. These past few days… He was mentally burn out.

'Oh, Sherlock' John said sadly and hugged Sherlock strongly. When he was done, he hid under Sherlock's blanket, leaning next to each other, looking at the fireplace.

'It's all going to be fine, Sherlock. I promise. I keep you safe.' John whispered. Sherlock nodded. This was their silent agreement between each other. They both know it.

'I'm going to keep you safe, even if you don't want me to.'

A promise that John would've give his life all up. He would have give anything up for Sherlock. Because he hated those eyes to be sad…

Eventually, they fell asleep.

 _A/N: Sorry,I know this is a shorter chapter._ _So, it's been a while since I last updated this story. Since then my writing style change, like, a lot. I hope you still enjoy it though. No worries. Some action full chapters are coming soon, but i'm really into emotions right now. So if you like the story please like it and comment, it would be totally appreciated._ _A/N2: There are some quotes in this chapter's text, which I got from goodreads. The credit goes for the original writers :)_


	11. Song of the Samurai

In.

Out.

In.

 _Oh god._

It felt like ages since he had a cigarette. It was the only thing he was allowed to still use. But if he closed his eyes.. He could even pretend it was weed, and then why the fuck not cocaine in the first place. He carved just for a hint of morphine. He sighed.

He was out in the garden, smoking under the window while John prepared breakfast for Rosie and them. He thought about last night, about their talk, and how they fell asleep on each other. There was a time when he hated to talk to others, even touch them. But John? John was like a freaking well in a middle of the desert. He was the loudest sound in the silence and the brightest color on the dark sky.

He was the only thing that kept him going in this messed up situation.

''Morning.' he greeted as he stepped back inside. Rosie and John was sitting at the table already having their breakfast. Scent of vanilla hit Sherlock.

'Hi, Sherlock! Come, sit. The scrambled eggs are ready.'

'Excellent.'

'Hiiiiiiiiii!' Rosie waved at Sherlock almost jumping out of her little chair.

'Hi Rosie!' he answered and sat down at the table too. He grabbed his fork (which he hated, it was cheap and low quality), and started to eat his eggs. (He hated eggs by the way, but he decided not to spoil this moment.)

'So… I heard Eurus is moving today.'

Sherlock looked up.

'How do you know that?'

'Oh, weeellll…' John looked around.' Lestrade told me.'

'And where does he know it from?' Rosie started to throw the food around.

'Hey, hey stop it!' John tried. ' So yeah, you know Lestarde went with Mycroft to escort her. I heard they are transporting her in one of the Yard's car,then with a private helicopter.'

'Ohh. I didn't know that.'

'Yeah. Actually, I was, you know, kind of surprised that you stayed.'

Sherlock put down his fork. He thought about the idea.

' There's no point for all of us to go there.'

' I didn't mean any bad. I'm glad you're here with us.'

Sherlock nodded, but he lost any will to eat. Maybe he should've gone, but to be honest he didn't even thought about it.

Oh wait.

 _Shit._

That call from Mycroft. He could've easily just wrote him a message. Why bother to call?He was a man with literally no time. Unless.. Unless he was waiting for Sherlock to ask if he could go too. Mycroft wanted him to go, but his stupid ass was too pride to ask.

But why was the man waiting for his little brother to go?

Maybe.. Just maybe.. Was he scared, too? Because Sherlock hated to admit it, but he felt scared. Scared of his sister. She was soooooo unpredictable. It was impossible to figure her out, which made her really dangerous.

Sherlock stood up.

'Sherlock?' John looked up.

'Yeah. Sorry. Going to the loo.'

He hurried out and on his way to the loo he grabbed his phone and dialed Mycroft.

He really haven't thought about Mycroft. Everything happened at once, and there was no time to think about it..

But Mycroft lived with her as well. He knew how dangerous she was. It would've been stupid not to be scared.

He waited, but his brother did not pick up. He dialed again.

This thing, this thing in his mind that causing all this, causing him to be this weak and sentimental. This has to stop. He can't ignore his problems anymore. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

When Mycroft did not picked up the second time, he dialed Lestrade. While he waited, he started to get dressed. He's not going to leave his brother alone. - _How can I be this stupid?-_ he asked himself.

'Damn' he said to himself when Lestrade's phone went silent too.

He quickly ran at his computer. Luckily, he bugged Lestrade's phone before, just in case he needed his arse saved. _Oh well. He_ tried to do the same once to Mycroft's. He knew it instantly.

Sherlock typed in Lestrade's MAC* and phone address into the computer. The machine started ro load. Sherlock played with his fingers impatiently. After what felt like an eternity, the PC beeped.

He typed down the address on his arm (since he didn't found any paper or pen, and - _Oh God he hated this place so much!-_ )he was in rush,he wasted no time.

Probably both men was alright. Maybe Lestrade was driving, so he couldn't answer. Maybe Mycroft was, talking to Eurus,and had no time to call back. Yeah. Right.

…

Probably not though.

He hurried out of the flat.

As he was on his way to the front door, he heard John stood up.

'Sherlock what's going on?'

'I have to go.I'm sorry, I'm-'

'SHERLOCK HOLMES, STOP!' John yelled, and Sherlock instantly stopped for him. John walked over.

'You're going there right?'

'Something's not right… They won't pick up their phones.. I have to go.'

John nodded.

' I'll go with you.'

'What? You.. You can't! It could be dangerous, and I don't want you to get hurt.

'Too bad. I'm going, like it or not. Wait while we get dressed. Call Molly and say we're dropping over Rosie. 10 min. Don't you dare leave me!' he said. Sherlock nodded. Of course. His John wouldn't let him behind. It was the best decision anyway; they were a team after all..

Sherlock and John sat in a cab, after dropping over Rosie. Molly was surprised but did not ask any question. He kind of like ignored Sherlock and pretended he wasn't there. That was all right. She was entitled to do so.

They were going to Lestrade's phone location which was an old country road, that literally no one used anymore since they built that big-arse road which took you out of London way faster than the old one. Probably that's why they used the older road, longet but safer. It made sense.

Except nothing made sense anymore, but that's just like a new lifestyle for Sherlock. He knew absolutely nothing anymore and being this goddamn stupid was annoying

Right at that moment it was as if they were the only two people left in the world. And I don't mean that to sound corny; it just honestly did. The only sound he heard was his own fast heartbeat.

'Hey.. Hey Sherlock try to calm down please.' John rested his arm on his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

'It's fine, they're all fine' John said slowly.

'If it comes, let it come. If it goes, it's ok, let it go. Let things come and go. Stay calm, don't let anything disturb your peace, and carry on.' His friend said. 'My mother always told me these words when we were in some kind of trouble.'

'Wise words.' Sherlock agreed.

'Right. And you should listen to them. Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or you might as well stop.'

Sherlock smiled.

'You know me.. I'm usually not the kind who worries too much. It just this damn situation…' he said.

John waited a little, and put his hand on Sherlock's hand.

'I made a promise yesterday. And I'm going to keep it.' John said.

Sherlock felt surprised, but a lot better actually.

Suddenly his phone started to ring. He quickly took it out and stared at the screen. It was the Yard. Not Lestrade, the Yard. That meant no good.

'What?' he asked.

'Oh freak- I mean Sherlock.' he heard Sally's voice from the other side. "So I was wondering if you've heard anything from Lestrade and his team. He's should've made a report about an hour ago but he never actually called, so I was just wondering….'

Sherlock gulped loudly. This was definitely no good. Without an answer he hung up, and told the drive to go faster.


End file.
